Bercakap Dengan Diri Sendiri

Here we are in the month of December.

Month of December jugaklah ada orang tu akan mengalami reality bite yang dia tu tua setahun dari I. Kalau tak tu sokmo tak ngaku...nak tunggu umur cukup on the dot katanya..pirrra mabuk!

Okay...I will be attending a wedding soon. Somebody very,very close to me. At this age, dengan tak ber bagage nya, attending a wedding macam nak gi belayar kat Indian Ocean, where Somalian Pirates a.k.a. sedara-mara yang bermulut lanun adalah dimana-mana.

There have been 3 weddings in the house and I attended only 2. I wasn't playing the big part like a family member did in a family wedding, macam Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, I cuma hadir tunjuk muka dan menjadi bahan sindiran my married cousins, Pakcik & Makcik.

I have a conversation with my ex yesterday. Not a good one. While one party is trying hard to patch things up. another one is happy being unattached.

I have been single since last February, after many,many years of drama. This is my 2nd long term relationship...dengan dua-dua nya tak menjadi.

I was badly messed up. I think bila kita dah jatuh terjelepuk the first time, we entered the 2nd one dengan attitude yang sangat defensive and not willing to be the doormat anymore (padahal, kenkadang tu takde nya pun orang kedua tu treat kita macam doormat pun)

So we ended up being the most difficult person for other sto put up with and blamed it on our 'complicated' self. Takdenya yang complicated pun...when you are not ready to give or when you're are not that sort of person to give...you can't give.

So...the wedding is looming and I will soon asked the same questions again. I want to be honest with people this time.

Why am I 'still' single?

Yeah..I like to be in a relationship,having people to talk to when I need to talk etc,etc.

But, there will be time that I want to be on my own, do not want to share my opinion, my space, my feelings, being horrible, anti social etc, etc.

That you can get...by being unattached.


(dan saya masih demam)

Suci Dalam Demam...3

Weih....Kiah asked me to hapdate about the malay guy. Which one ah? I wrote about two. I don't know the first guy, but I wish him well in his predicament.

I'm afraid I have to re-refer that PHD guy to someone else. Mind you, bukan aku sorang aje yang boleh cakap melayu dalam Dept tu. I know a Malaysian consultant psychiatrist and if the need be, Mamat tu (sebab dia dah jadi detainee immigration) can asked for interpreter service. But kalau dah belajar sampai PHD, takkanlah tak boleh cakap omputih kan? There's plenty of Malaysian student yang pandai cakap omputih...and terlebih pandainya sampai nak ikut English accent yang in the end tersangatlah confuse dot com it sounded like American Irish immigrant. Ish..ish...buat malu aje taw...Kiah.

Ingatlah ye...sesapa English wannabe, it is not about the sound of words you produced, it is about how you say it. Sila belajar technique-technique yang betul dari Cik Kiah...yang didatang khas dari private school Exeter ittew...apa khelass aku yang belajar kat Felda Trolak ni kan?

So...tak kan adalah gossip. Having said that, I now realised betapa tak berkaliber nya aku. I've signed the confidentiality policy and here I am, pi cerita pulak hal orang dengan you all, kan?

But....masa-masa demam macam ni, memang lah mood insaf belaka. Curi pen dari opis dah rasa berdosa gittew.

Speaking about re-referring patient, one is in aposition to do so if he/she feels the need to render professional service may interfere or jeorpardise the case.

I wrote in my report that...the guy has refused treatment and refused cooperating, but responded when I conversed in his native language, when there is no apparent need for me to do so.

So, I will see him again to close his file. There is a fine line between overly stressed and disengagement of cognitive ability. Dia tu stressed, bukannya tak paham bahasa. Kalau le I ni Ustazah, I will ask him to pray to tenangkan hati....(tapi Makji pun hit and miss you..., takde kepimpinan melalui teladan langsung)

Suci Dalam Demam...2

1. Takde cerita nak diceritakan.....Makji masih demam, batuk,selsema, batuk...and demam balik. Ubat dah makan. Hari-hari mandi air extra panas...minum air kosong, air tak kosong, semua dah try. GP aje belum jumpa. Walaupun demam...I tetap gi kerja. Gagah/gigih sungguh. Orang tanya, apasal you tak cuti sakit? Yeah..boleh, pastu kerja pun menimbun. Takpe...nanti kerja yang menimbun tu dah susut, I akan start mengular balik.

2. Semalam...ada cerita budak melayu keluar dalam The Sun. Cantik sungguh budak tu. Jealous sungguh I dengan rambut dan mekap nya. Budak KLCC, kawin dengan orang putih dari Derby. Khabarnya dah nak kena deported...kesian. Jahat betul immigration kat sini.Lanun Somalia dibaginya masuk dan British Passport, tapi orang yang dah masuk sini ikut channel yang betul, macam-macam songeh lak. Tak pasal-pasal nanti, bila dia balik Malaysia, Jais Jawi semua berlumba tunggu kat KLIA nak nangkap dia. Cis! Semoga dia selamat pergi dan balik.

3. I ada case baru. Budak melayu...sekarang ni kena tahan kat tah mana pusat detention. Dah 2 tahun tahun katanya kena tahan. 3 bulan lepas, adik ni kena refer kena psychiatrist. I baca file dia...pandai budak ni. Ada PHD, although I must say that the damage in his head is not caused by his studies. Kena seksa boipren kot...nak balik takut, makbapak dah pulau...he already breached government contract or something. He is not talking to anyone. I saw him 2 days ago. He didn't respond when I interview him. Of course lah Makji cakap omputih kan? I was with a nurse, I asked questions, the nurse asked him questions...pun dia tak jawab. But his hands is shaking. After 15 minutes and tekak I pun dah sakit dek berbatuk-batuk and menanya soklan kat dianya yang macam batu, I tanya nurse tu, is he on any medication? Nurse cakap dianya selalu refuse. I tanya Nurse lagi..Mamat ni bahaya tak, walaupun dia nya ada jugak membuat perangai dalam detention centre e.g. menterbalikkan meja, memecah barang etc. Nurse cakap dia okay. Then I said....so, awak ni sebenarnya kenapa? Rasa tak sihat ke? Tangan nampak macam gementar...awak risaukan apa sebenar nya? Buntang mata dia tengok I. Dia tanya I..akak orang Melayu ke? I cakap kat dia...makan ubat you. 2 minggu lagi kita cakap-cakap okay? Saya tak gila Kak. Saya tahu...tapi awak tertekan. Badan awak tak boleh rehat, so ikut cakap Nurse ni, makan ubat...bagi sistem awak rehat. 2 minggu..kita jumpa lagi. I took his hand..masih menggeletar.Ni..tengok ni...awak terlampau risau..pasal tu menggeletar. Makan ubat. We finished at that.I called the ward after that...and he did take his meds.

4. Semoga Danyl Johnson akan kalah minggu ini...makin menyampah pulak aku nengok muka nya. I hate manipulative people.

Suci Dalam Demam

I am currently not well. Physically. Maybe...mentally too.

Last week, MB1 dah start tersosek-sosek. Tapi yang herannya si kecik tu, kalau demam, hanya sehari aje, pastu dia akan kembali ke sediakala.

Pagi selasa, I bangun bagi dengan tekak yang mengembang macam tekak katak. So, selalunya bila I nak dapat demam, memang tekak lah yang akan sakit dulu. From there, I dah start makan lemsip capsules. 2 bijik every 4 hours. Keesokan pagi, tekak tu masih lagi rasa macam dah tertelan katak...and I pun sambung lagi makan ubat lemsip tu.

Masuk hari Jumaat, dalam badan I tak sihat tu, I pergi jugak cenference kat Colchester yang jauhnya 2 jam perjalanan naik kereta dari London. Ikutkan hati, memang taknak pergi...tapi, sibertuah-bertuah colleagues I semuanya tatau jalan and disebabkan I dah pernah pergi tempat ni, semuanya tunggu I yang bawak. Fed up sungguh.

Habis conference, Boss tanya I, you pergi opis tak? I cakap...tak..sebab I dah rasa macam nak pengsan kat situ jugak. So Boss hantar I balik. And balik-balik aje, I terus masuk shower dan mandi air yang paling panas sekali.I always think that there is a certain traditional ways to cure from cold.Mandi air panas. I will not bother to see my GP pasalnya, appointment bukan tentunya akan dapat time-time tu jugak, and maybe by the time the GP free nak jumpa I, it is either I dah baik dengan seniri nya or dah m**i.

Mandi air panas tak jalan....so I pun tukar lah ubat. I bantai minum ubat batuk sehari suntuk. Pun macam tu juga.Kepala rasa macam nak pecah, so itu macam indication yang hidung I tersumbat githoo, do I pun pi hambat MB1 pi cari decongestant syrup kat pharmacy. Chewwahh...berlumba-lumba kahak, mak kahak dah keluar diiringi batuk yang luarbiasa sampai berdarah-darah anak tekak I.

Semalam, dalam keadaan badan yang segan mati takmau, I boleh lagi submit menu kat MB1. I cakap, I nak makan karipap. Terus dia keluar pi beli bahan. Konon lah nak bagi keluar peluh, I took part dalam menguli tepung yang agaknya, berkat demam...terus tepung karipap tu menjadi. Bila karipap dah siap, I pun memakan sambil berbaring,sambil tertido (dek kepala berputar dek ubat tu), sambil batuk-batuk,sambil masuk toilet buang kahak 5,6 kali sepanjang malam, sambil tido balik etc..etc. Cukup semua cycle sampai pagi.

Hari ni rasa okay sikit...malangnya karipap dah habis and hati I kembali menjadi panas. MB1 dan MB2 telah mengambil kesempatan dalam kelemahan dan kerabunan I, maka mereka berdua tu membaham karipap sambil menonton Hannibal Rising. Ish..kalaulah they all boleh lalu makan sambil tengok cerita yang kejam macam tu, surelah memasing tu berhati ice cube kan? I should be lucky yang aku ni tak dimakannya.

Dalam pada seminggu yang dipenuhi oleh hari-hari demam ni, sambil I berfeeling superwoman masih pergi kerja walaupun rasa nak pengsan, ada jugak kerja-kerja tak berpekdah lain yang I dah buat.

I am now ialah salah seorang penyokong 'Anwar Ibrahim Haters Club' kat pesbuk. I think I must have 2 friends or more that this group was suggested to me. Well I thought by not liking him very much and at all, I am so overly qualified to become a supporters. I always feel that Anwar got a face that it is hard to like, so macam mana dia boleh tarik orang masuk PKR pun I tatau. I think that people become a member for the sake of opposing the government, yang boleh tahan lah puaka nya. I think, had PKR have a different Leader, I pun macam tempted jugak nak join. Hey you all janganlah taktau, dulu I ni penyokong kuat Semangat 46 nah...siap ada badge dengan topi lagi, sampai my father tegur, nak ambik SPM ke nak jadi pembangkang ni?

Dalam demam-demam dalam debu tu, selama ni yang I tak heran langsung tapi benci nak mampus kat AI, sempatlah membaca, menengok Yutiub pasal dia nya. Ingatkan lepas keluar jail, dok umah lah kan? Geghope nya.....luas jugak dia berjalan...sampai pergi interview sampai Australia sinun.

Ish..tak malu kah AI tu? Hal dalam negara sendiri pi bagitau orang? Macamlah orang kat KL tu terseksa macam kat Zimbabwe. Adakah dia jugak mengharapkan orang Australia pun mengundi dia juga?

Looking at his supporters yang ala-ala pakcik berani mati tapi anak bini kat rumah tak makan, does he not feel a tinge of responsibility leading them to something so uncertain yet rewarding only for him?

Karpal Singh dengan geramnya dah cakap.....Anwar perlu bertaubat!!! Hah..hambik kau.Apa namanya Ketua yang mengalakkan lompat-lompat party tu? How can he not feel embarrass banking on winning from people sitting on the fence ni? Itu aje kah modalnya?

Tapikan...yang tak bestnya bab AI haters ni...ada jugak puak-puak yang yang mengutuk dia menggunakan bahasa-bahasa yang sangatlah rendah moralnya.

Benci, benci jugak lah kak..bang. Tapi takpayah lah nak maki-maki cam gitu sekali nah? Nanti orang ingat kita ni mentality kaki carut pulak.

Tak suka, tak suka lah...takpayahlah nak panggil orang tu vavi ke, mat vontot ke...

Ingat lah hah...I think what we don't like is his political propaganda...he might be nice in person.

Game......Anonymous

Mula-mula......FARMTOWN. Wahhhh...I suka main ini game. Cucuk tanam, pastu harvest...pastu plow. Pulak tu sambil berkerja boleh bergossip. Pastu..tak cukup dengan kerja kat ladang sendiri and ladang jenjiran, boleh gi jobseeking kat Marketplace lagi. Bila dah ramai jiran, semangat taknak kalah tu memang tinggi. Orang naik point, kita jeles. Orang beli rumah, kita jeles. Pendek kata...apa aje benda kat ladang orang yang takde dalam ladang kita, kita akan sakit hati kejelesan dan tak tido malam merayau mencari kerja so that we could afford to buy benda-benda baru.

Seingat I, takde langsung pengalaman pahit main game ni, cuma satu ketika dulu ada jugaklah jiran yang suka benar datang kebun orang..bergossip tak pe lagi..membuat gossip tu yang I tak larat. Dah le aku ni kurang pahala...berkebun dengan orang tu makin menambah dosa aje. Ish....

Lepas tu....geng-geng kat opis mulalah tanya..eh, ko ada main FARMVILLE tak? Sebulan jugak I keraskan hati sambil mempromote kat diorang suruh main FARMTOWN. I cakap kat my colleague (tu diah..terkopak rahsia kan..Social Worker yang tak bertauliah ni, masa counselling session, masa buat incident report sebenarnya dalam diam main game Facebook) FARMTOWN lagi bagussss. Walaupun I dah cakap kat they all tu yang I akan tetap setia dengan FARMTOWN, memasing masih gak cuba memanipulate keputusan periuk api I dengan menghantar gift-gift berupa anak kambing, Mak Lembu, Pokok-Pokok etc dengan melimpahruah nya.

Curiosity got the better of me. Walaupun I kurenggg sikit gemar dengan musik nya, I sungguh terpaut hati dengan lelembu yang ber eye lashes macam Donatella Versace tu. Hah..mulalah aku cuba memenuhi dua tanggungjawab sekaligus. Penat occay.....tapi walaupun begitu, bak sang jantan yang dah berbini tapi masih ada masa mengayat dan menjalankan tanggungjawab kepada gilpren dan bini nya serentak, begitulah I dengan FT and FV ni.

Ada sekali masa kat KL, I ni on the way nak gi pasar malam TTDI. Sesampainya I kat Damansara Utama tu, jantung rasa rasa nak pecah and I mulalah macam monyet kena letrik githoo. MB2 tanya apasal? I cakap...ish..I lupa, I baru tanam strawberry ke hapa..yang akan masak dalam masa 2 jam. Rasa nak pusing balik masa tu jugak. Tapi...demi nak menjaga maruah diri (or nanti orang ingat aku ni gila) I relakan saja my plantations to withered.I menangis dalam hati you..isk, isk, isk.

Sebenarnya, dalang dalam ketagihan terbaru I ni..ialah MB2. Dia lah yang ajak-ajak. I pun bila tengok macam best aje join lah. Kesudahnya, aku yang lagi productive dari dia.

Tak habis dengan Farmville, I ni dah bukak Cafe lah pulak. I dah terperasan yang kawan-kawan dari FT pun ada lama Cafe juga. Majuuuuu pulak tu. Tu yang I sakit ati. Sakit hati dan dengki itu jugaklah punca I bermain bertubi-tubi, sampaikan I sanggup set alarm bila lauk-pauk tu dah disiap masak. I boleh tido sebelah komputer lagi dan dalam pisat-pisat tu, I main game, boleh?

(Orang datang rumah pun, I sempat main game lagi....boleh?)

Sekarang ni, ada orang ajak I main MAFIA lah, Restaurant lah...ayoyo...hati I macam digaru-garu. Tapi, semenjak ada nya game-game ni, ketagihan I makin melampau dan kerja I semakin tak siap. Semalam, ada orang masuk opis I dan terdengar bunyik lembu FV yang suka mengawan tu. Dia cakap kat I..ooohh..you main game ye? I pun cakap...a'ah. Kenapa, you nak report I ke? Tu diah..macam penagih sangat kan...berani tak bertempat. (Although..assistant I tu takkan nya mereport I...sebabnya I selalu bagi dia balik awal)

Sekarang ni, I macam menyesal pulak.. Kalau tahu lah nak jadi cenggini, tak hingin pun I accept application tu. I should have stick to my Age Of Empire & Sim City. Lagi menguatkan minda. Ni? Game buat aku semakin busuk ati lagi memakan gaji buta adalah...

Is there any Game Anonymous out there? I really need to curb my addiction. Seriously.

Yang Cenekel...and Yang Kejam

Apa yang Cenekel?

The news yesterday and before reported how two men is sentenced to jail for raping and molesting 2 of their daughters. I think, sorang bapak haruan tu merog sambil mencabul and sorang lagi bapak haruan tu teleh mencabul anak-anak pompuannya.Ye...memang celaka.

The rapist and molester, ghopa-ghopa dah membuat kerja-kerja terkutuk ni bertahun lama nya and only got found out bila anaknya merepot. I think dia kena jail bertahun-tahun jugak and akan disebat (mintak-mintak tercabut lah tolo eh maso di cemat tu kan, Tijah?)

The molester...kena jail 60 bulan aje. Ke 5 tahun macam tu? The news decided to report the graphic bit of his molestation one of which is forcing the daughter to give him a blow job.

I think that is so traumatic for a 11 years old. Nak nak yang menyuruh tu bapak nya seniri.

Both men are askar. Both is asking for leniency in their sentence, kunun nya..mereka tu dah berjasa dalam angkatan tentera.

Nak aje I tanya, since pendudukan Jepun, PKM, Memali and Bukit apa kenamanya kat Peghok tu, apalah sangat kerja abang-abang askar ni kan? My father pun askar juga...siap masuk hutan keluar hutan but he always come home with his extra rations. tapi dia selalu happy aje, siap posing-posing amik gambar pegang senapang berfeeling Rambo lagi. Unlike British troop kat sini yang tiap-tiap minggu ada je yang mati kena bunuh dek Taliban, askar kat Malaysia sempat lagi berpoya-poya kat Tasik nah??? Or kat Stesyen minyak Esso tunggu orang bawak balik? (ish..manalah pulak aku tahu ni...ade ke kerna aku membaca blog orang-orang yang berprojekan dengan Abang Askar?) Well...biarlah orang nak bergumbira kan?

Tapi, ape ke hey nya si pakcik dua orang ni, siap mintak dikasihani after dibahamnya anak masing-masing tu? Pulak tu, mintak denda kurang, penjara kurang kononnya nak kena sara anak-anak. Masa menajamkan sabit memasing tu idok le nak menggunakan pala hotak kan?

Rape is a heinous as it is, quite munasabah jugak lah orang kena penjara sampai 20 tahun (kalau aku, tak bagi keluar dah..merasalah memasing tu merogol pokok pisang pulak kan?) but I think, for those who raped and molested their own child, counting the fact that the impact it caused the child, apasal tak ikut style Pak Arab aje, supaya direjam sampai mati? Guna apanya nak hidup lagi? Buat menakutkan budak tu aje kan? (Emo ni...)

So I hope, the judge akan maki bapak-bapak haruan ni habis-habisan, make them feel that they're the scum of the earth and rasa nak bunuh diri masa-masa tu jugak.

Buat malu Angkatan Tentera aje kan? Ada hati lak tu nak excuse pasal dah buat jasa..jaso hatuk eh!

Apa Yang Kejam

Kesian budak kat Perlis yang kena tembak dek pak polisi tu. Dengarnya, bapak budak tu nak menyaman polis. Pakcik...takziah dan SAYA SOKONG PAKCIK!!!!!! (Sambil menjerit ni..)

Budak yang mati ditembak tu, dah tentulah ada sedikit 'sakit' dalam kepala nya, kalau tak masakan dia boleh pi cakap terang-terangan kat orang yang dia nak munuh kengkawannya. Reading back, he voluntarily walked into the station. Polis kata dah pujuk dia satu jam.

Tapi masakan polis tak perasan yang dia ni bermasalah dan merbahaya kepada umum, so apasal bagi dia balik rumah ambik parang?

Polis kata, they all terpaksa tempak kerana budak tu nak memarang kan Polis. Eskius mi....polisi berapa orang? Yang mengamuknya berapa orang? Tak kan lah reramai polisi tu sorang budak berparang pun takleh handle? And, have they not got the gas pemedih mata?

It is all a bit dodgy for me. I ni bukan apa...setakat memujuk penunjuk-penunjuk perasaan yang lupa makan ubat anti-psychotic tu dah memang biasa buat. To me, selagi sipengamuks tu takde bomb tangang ke, kereta kebal ke, mazooga yang keluaq-keluaq api tu, takyah nak main tembak-tembak kan?

Polis kata nak tempak kaki aje...tapi agaknya sibudak tu melompat-lompat, maka terkenalah badan and mati. Tak kan lah polis takde latihan menembak kan? Tipu sangat lah tu.

So kesimpulannya, Polis yang memembak tu memang kejam.


***Cenekel is jenaka.

Nasihat Sesat

I ni....tergolong dalam category anak derhaka......to my parents. Pasalnya, selagi tak disound oleh adik-adik I yang hint-hint, amma and appa tertanya-tanya anak nombor 2 diorang ni whether masih idup ke idak, barulah I nak capai telepon. Tu pun cakap tak sampai lah 5 minit.

I jugak...sebab takde title kakak & adik derhaka dalam buku bahasa melayu, adalah kakak & adik yang tak hingat kat adik beradik sendiri. From time to time, me and my two sisters, we emailed each other, but that's it. Kalau takde hal-hal nak dibualkan...maka email account I ni boleh dibuat redundant gittew.

But...........I like to think that for the last couple of years, things has changed between me and my siblings and me and my parents. My work now, although I selalu war-war kan kat you all betapa menyampahnya I dengan patient-patient I tu, has taught me the most valuable lesson.

That we.........must love our parents as much as they love us. See, the later is the important bit. I think, kalau parents kita macam puaka, so...apalah gunanya nak disayang sepenuh jiwa raga. But by saying this, it's only applies to makpak yang mendera, merogol anak they all sendiri. My parents (my father) are not perfect. But he loves us (me). And I should and must return his kindness. I forgave the rotan and the slaps. I have forgotten the harsh words. And I must always remember that although badan and kaki berbirat dirotan and hati sakit dimaki, my parents will always be there for me. Unlike some of my patients...yang rata-rata nya, mak pak dah taknak.

That we.......siblings must stick together. Although for my eldest brother the 'stick' word may differ. It can be use in 'STICK up your arse' or 'I am so menyampah that I am happy to beat you up with a STICK'. Cam tu lah.

Since I am far, my two younger sisters has assumed the role of the dependable one, unlike the boys yang kebanyakan nya buat hal sendiri. Sometime I wonder if my other brother still alive, would he be the slightest different. He was the rock and maybe, my youngest brother would have a different attitude. The eldest tu jangan cakaplah....sebab dia yang sulung agaknya takde abang or kakak yang boleh sound dia kau-kau. So all this time he have live to think he has done nothing wrong, so adalah agak lambat nak melentur buluh yang dah keras macam kayu cengal.

So, recently my sisters ngadu kat I, pasal our 2 youngest siblings. Dua-dua nya memeningkan kepala my mother, so my mother ni mengadulah kat my sisters, mintak tolong nasihat, ala-ala tough love gittew, Kiah. Perangai my 2 youngest siblings ni jugaklah menjadi tajuk gossip I dengan my sisters, so when I was there recently, my sisters brought this up again and asked if kalau boleh, I pulak yang nasihat. Manalah tahu kot-kot they all nak dengar.

Ye lah. Silap orang betul lah nak mintak aku nasihat ye. I am fully sure that my youngest siblings takde organic mental health or any psychological problems, so idok le aku bercadang nak menggunakan pendekatan ala-ala Fazilah Kamsah. Buat apa? Obviously masalah perangai ni dah lama like lemak tepu, so exercise sikit-sikit ambik masa bertahun jugak nak buang lemak tu. Thinking that my mother and my sisters agaknya dah berbuih mulut cakap or bagi nasihat pesanan mesra and still tak jalan, there is no point using the same technique kan?

Kepada my brother yang bercita-cita nak jadi Kimi Raikonnen tu but dah dua tiga kali jugak masuk sepital patah riuk masih tak serik-serik, ku petirr kan dengan kata-kata, kalau kau mati terus senang. Takyah amma,appa risau-risau and sesusah pi sepital lawat/jaga kau. Why don't you do us all a favour....and drive through the wall and get killed now!!!!!

Kat yang bongsu...pun kena petirrr juga, sampai menangis. Told her the awful truth that masa makpak ada, adik beradik masih oblige nak hambik tahu kan? Tunggulah kalau makpak dah takde, kau apa nak jadi? Terussss......kembali kepangkal jalan dia.

Of course lah kan...aku dapat reputation sebagai akak garang dan berlagak. They might say...ala, mentang-mentang la...

But I told them, say what you like....but you know this is the truth.

Lepas tu, kiranya my sisters report kat I ada perubahan mendadak. And sekarang ni yang tinggal hanyalah si Cicakman tu. I said to my sisters, we can't and shouldn't do anything. Pasalnya in the past, our parents has always done something for him. So dianya tak pernah belajar menghargai apa orang buat untuk dia. We should just watch and ignore. Let him learn the hardest way. One day he'll realise that he's done nothing he can be proud of and that all this time, his saving grace is us and our parents.

Kesimpulannya...I nak bagitau kat my sisters....tak semua orang mau disedarkan. Biarlah dia. Hormat saja lah. Because until dia jatuh terjelepuk, he will always think that he is right.

Trust that I always bagi nasihat sesat kat orang.....hiks!

Saturday Thoughts

I have been wanting to write about Din and his tragedy. But on most time, I think I shouldn't since the case is on trial...and since dia pun dah mati kena bunuh,so macam tak baik lah kan?

I am not a professional writer. Hati tu ada, but janji-janji manis dengan diri sendiri nak ambik course creative writing, belajar berenang dan bermain piano, tinggal janji-janji manis. (Pun begitu..saya telah merepairkan reputation saya sebagai penjanji manis 210 karat dgn budak pandai ittew...so in between saya dok dendiam dalam bilik main game pesbuk, saya tetap melayan tetamu kat mansion saya yang sebesar bontot ungka menghadap Richmond Park...fuhhh tanak kalah ittew)

So..back to 'I'm not a professional writer' line. So, disebabkan tak professional, I do not have writing ethics, apa yang boleh tulis, apa yang takleh tulis...kecik ke hati orang yang membaca nya etc etc. But I think professional or not, asalkan saya tak ngumpat Tunku Muhriz or bercerita dalam blog things people tell me in confidence, maka...tu lah bahan blog yang takde moral ni.

Back in 2002 my sister sent me stuff from home via her flight stewardess fren. Memandangkan flight stewardess ni pun budak Paroi Jaya and kira family fren jua, aku dengan muka takmalu pi pesan kat dia, oii, boleh tak ko songlap Mingguan Malaysia for me since her incoming flight tu hari Isnin.

And I pun macam dapat makan roti jala gittew bila dapat baca MM yang didatangkan (curikan) khas oleh Malaysia Airlines. Only to get shock to see a familar face on front page.Kalau berita dia dapat pingat dari Agung ke or invented portable pharmacy ke okay lah jugak kan...the news was, he was found dead. Iya NBNS....kat longkang besar belakang tempat kita makan satay and minum vodka asam boi tu...(sure berantu lah longkang tu)

Reading the detail of the news, the gruesome discovery dengan jari yang putus and body yang hangus, I soon remember his fiance yang masa tu dah pun jadi bini dia. Cemanalah agaknya dia sekarang...

I told MB. Of course MB tak kenal siapa si Din ni because masa ni I sungguh muda remaja pre England,so manalah I kenal MB lagi kan? I told MB, I kenal this guy and my first thought was...kalau tak dia nasib malang terjumpa psycho killer or maybe dia dah kacau bini or gilfren orang and he must have upset someone crazy enough to inflict the pain on him.

I followed the case religiously...and my suspicion prevailed. However bad he was, this should not have happened.We were moving in the same circle before and he has quite a bit of a reputation. I remember him skinny and charming. He speaks as if he was god gift to women. But all confident and charming men are like that kan?

It turns out that...yes, he upset someone by making lewd proposition the person's girlfriend. Details of the event leading to his death, enough to upset every man. Din had badly misjudged the severity of his cocky-ness, if I may say. And he ended up in the longkang...lifeless.

The girlfriend in question, is a good looking, paper flunking and moonlighting GRO student. I think it is fair to say (kan Kiah?) kita orang pompuan ni..kenkadang ada jugak kena propose macam-macam dengan jantan mega gatal.Nak nak atas kapalterbang, jantan nak mintak macam-macam, janji bulan bintang, selling off himself tall (tapi tak sedar diri naik Economy, boleh?)

Some proposition can be flattering...nak nak, boifren sendiri depan mata pun nak ajak tengok wayang macam nak ajak pergi haji, but jantan lain yang takde kena mengena...sanggup going out of their way to please you (and them)

The girlfriend was one of the main suspect and was acquitted but was offered to stand trial as a prosecution witness. Macam sial...if you asked me.

Why? Kalau bukan sebab dia yang

a) Melayan (ye lah..kalau takde angin, takkan orang kentut kan?)
b) Merengek-rengek kat boyfriend kata..ada orang kacau dia
c) Paling teruk...challenged the boyfriend to prove a point... (dengarnya dia pi cakap kan boipren nya..where's your balls? Why aren't you doing anything?) Dah tahu boyfriend macam ada angin baran sikit

So, I bet she wish that the boyfriend's balls is safely tucked in her gob so that takde siapa mati and takde siapa nak kena gantung. So, on yesterday's news..the boyfriend and his partners in crime, was found guilty and is off to gallows.

So, who is the real victim here? Yes, the boyfriend.Din dah tentulah nya dah mati..dengan anak-anak yang dah takde bapak. Yes, Din may have made mistake cost him his life and the boyfriend? Having to live with his stupidity menyahut cabaran tak berhemat gf dia and to have blood in his hands. I don't think he takes pleasure in this, at all.

And what happened to the girl? Scot free. But I am sure...she is suffering with her conscious.

Let's just do this the normal way.

1. Kalau you tak pass exam, dekat 3 kali pulak tu, what does that tell you? Tukar course and maybe take a break and re sit when you're ready.
2. Kalau dah bongok exam 3 kali tak pass, one night stand offered by your lecturer to guarantee the success in your appeal, will not make any difference. Maybe, just maybe..kalau dah final year...and you desperate to pass your paper or else face financial ruin, and if lecturer ada iras-irsa Anuar Zain...meaningless sex is worth (is it?) the shot (tapi, ini bukan encouragement dari saya nah?)
3. Kalau jantan miang (unless dia kaya macam Sultan Brunei ke, Dato' K ke, abang K ke) and hanya lecture biasa lak tu (again, no offence to academician out there) yang dah berbini and beranak start menggatal dengan you, best thing is jangan layan. If you have the confidence, maybe tell him stuff that put him back in his place or kalau puaka tu tak reti bahasa sampai ke tahap harassment, report pak polisi aje.
4. Fair enough you want to tell yr boifren...tapi kalau dah tahu boifren tu ada saka rimau akar yang boleh meradang dengan sekelip mata, janganlah kau menyimbah petrol kat daun kering lak kan?
5. To men and women, cockyness won't help. Kalau orang datang jumpa you cakap jangan lah kacau gilpren/boipren dia...jawablah dengan ikhlas nya. Kalau you betul2 syok kat partner orang and you tak bertepuk sebelah tangan, tell them the truth. Jangan lak kau pi cakap...elehh...pompuan mana-mana and bini orang pun aku boleh pinjam, ni kan pulak gilpren kau. Tak ke mengundang samurai dan bom petrol tu?

To the boyfriend, I hope you succeed in your appeal and get a lighter sentence...
To Din's family, Mawar and anak-anak...Al Fatihah

To the girlfriend...I hope you're happy. For he who have loved you so much to kill and to be bertrayed.

Update

I have a specific reputation in my workplace. From what I know, it is me and two other colleagues of mine.And from what I know, it is good. Good for others...and not all the time, good for me.

I start doing what I do now since 2002. I thought I am a late starter....but my colleague (at that time) is far, far older than I am. Their credentials scares me. Majority of them have worked in top Mental Health institution and sees terpeleot people day in day out.

Mine? The highest achievement in my life is CIMA from LSE and my encounter with learning disable and mentally incapacitated people is either at MRSM, Jabatan-jabatan kerajaan, one Makcik mereng in Terachi called Saadiah (tatau hidup lagi ke tidak...but we fear her when we balik kampung) and my eldest brother. As for my eldest brother, he is born normal...but as and when he pleases, he will act mentally disable thus menyakitkan hati ramai orang. Pun begitu, dia tu abangku and bak kata orang....air dicincang takkan putus. I wish I can cincang him when I am angry. Let him putus for a while and alike ekor cicak, he come out alive and new.

So berbekalkan kelulusan yang takde mengena and sedikit training sebelum masuk kerja, I was assigned 5 ADHD and severe autistic case.5 of them was sectioned under Mental Health Act walaupun takde specific mental illness, masing-masing tu dah pernah terajang orang, self harm and menjahanamkan harta benda awam dan makbapak mereka, and tu lah pasalnya masuk sepital.This 5 jahanam is due hospital discharge and boss I masa tu, letak file diorang atas meja I dengan notes yang paling cilaka...They are now under your care. Please provide comprehensive care plan and ensure 24-7 supervision in the community.So, good luck.

After 2 years....5 jahanam tu dah kena discharge from my care permanently and....deemed suitable to live independently in the community.

How did I do it? Honestly....I don't know. I must have a natural disciplinarian talent and doa-doa mak bapak. Allah must have love me so much that I never once, patah tulang or pecah hidung whilst working with them. (and juga berkat doa halau anjing summum bukmumm tu)

After that cases in my way selalunya watak-watak antagonist dalam cerita-cerita Roman. Worst one was that paedo guy.But alhamdulillah, all was well. Like other people, I do suffer from setback, when some people die and left me wonder, have I not done enough to save them?

So I received a phone call from my 2nd Boss today....so she conveyed message from the big Boss CPB (the cow who gave me warning letter and all that offensive emails) katanya...Makji, you kat mana tu? I cakap kat dia...eh, I kat tempat kerja lah (dalam hati, ko hengat aku kat Disneyland Paris ke?)

Makji...Boss CPB suruh I call you. Katanya ada urgent transfer from Unit B ke Unit C. (I pernah jadi Manager kat unit C ni) I tanya...siapa pulak yang nak kena transfer ni?

They told me this young lady terpaksa di transfer because apparently she had been stalking unit B's Manager, doing collage of her picture on her walls, leaving threating message on her phone and few other things yang kalau orang lain dengar mau terjatuh seluar dalamnya. From what I was told, Manager and Deputy kat Unit B tu dah pergi stress leave and semua staff kat situ dah malas nak datang kerja disebabkan pompuan ni. So Boss CPB cadangkan si pompuan jahanam ni to transfer pergi Unit C and I telah diminta dengan serta merta tinggalkan semua kerja I sekarang and uruskan respite care dia. Boss CPB kata kat 2nd Boss, Makji Esah will be perfect for this job.

What my bosses didn't know is that semalam...Manager unit B tu telepon I nangis-nangis...katanya dah tak larat lagi nak bekerja dengan puaka tu. Katanya dia dah report pompuan jahanam tu kat polis tapi pompuan jahanam tu pandai pulak berlakon depan polis. Bila I tanya, kenapa tak suruh polis tangkap dan section dia? Manager unit B kata, macam mana nak section, kalau psychiatrist tak approve? So I pun bagilah moral support kat kawan I si Manager Unit B ni...and cakap kat dia, sabarlah. Use this time off to relax and de stress.

Only to be told today that pompuan jahanam tu akan dihantar kat I.

I cakap kat 2nd Boss...I banyak case ni...and with my workload, macam mana I nak concentrate kat si gila tu. I reminded 2nd Boss that reading history pompuan gila ni, tak pasal-pasal aku pulak jadi her next target, apasal tak kasi kat staff jantan aje?

2nd Boss pujuk-pujuk. I hentak-hentak kaki (of course 2nd Boss tak nampak..sebab dia dalam telepon)

I cakap...Okay lah. Send me her file. 2nd Boss...ohh, you're star. I really appreciate this.

Dengan macam cilakanya I jawab...it's not like I have a choice, is it?

*********To all nice people out there....please pray for me. This is so not easy.*******

If I Can't Have You

Reading the recent event in Malaysia, pasai satu pakcik ni pi tikam sampai mati bini dia, pasalnya aruah tu dah nak bercerai benar-benar dengan si pakcik ni.

Ish...ish..sian kan kat Uwan tu. Umur dah le lanjut, ingat kalau dah nak dijemput tu, bior le pergi dalam keadaan aman gittew....ni tak. Mati ditikam dek laki lagi.

Couple of years ago kat sini...dekat dengan tempat I kerja masa tu, adalah jantan bekas askar ni boleh berani mati pi tembak ex gilpren dia yang kerja kat beauty counter Harver Nicks tu. Si mamat tu, if I'm not mistaken originated from Eastern European, have been dating this girl for a while jugaklah. Agaknya si pompuan tu tak tahan lah agaknya dengan perangai obsessive possesive jantan ni, teruslah mintak break githoo.

Tapi....seperti biasa, orang lelaki ni kenkadang boleh di diagnose dengan temporary Autism and one of its traits is selective hearing,ke..selective comprehension....sama aje lah kan? Of course they will think that just because you have agreed to go out with him and inadvertantly menjadik gilpren nya, that you must seek his permission to break away.

You cakap banyak kali pun....dianya akan masih tak reti bahasa....sampailah satu ketika they all tu dah penat tak pun dah ada barang baru, maka dia dengan suka relanya melepaskan dirinya dari perhubungan tu. More than often puak-puak ni...spiteful that they always have been akan katalah, elehhh....bukan aku yang nak dia sangat, dia tu yang terhegeh-hegeh kat I. Cittt!

Well.....tu kira bernasib baik lah. Buatnya dapat jantan yang tak makan saman (like they said...takleh nak menerima kenyataan) maka, he will keep harping on you.

There's plenty of cases like this. Majoritynya bila dah masuk sepital tu adalah kes-kes yang maha teruk sampai polis pun dah tatau nak buat apa and jalan mudah nak menyelamatkan orang pompuan tu dari mati dibunuh dek ex boipren psycho nya ialah di section kan saja mamat tu.

That Harvey Nick's girl, dengarnya dah report police...tapi jantan puaka memang pandai berlakon and convinced the system that he is no longer a threat. Hah kau...bila dia dilepas, dia balik kampung dia sekejap...dia beli pistol and sesampainya dia kat London, masa orang balik kerja perang, dia boleh masuk dalam counter tempat ex gilpren nya kerja...point the gun directly at her...and classically said....IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, NO ONE ELSE WILL....pom!

It is very hard to speak or imagine why someone would go that far to prove their love. As much as we like to agree on them being mega selfish, lest we forget that a person will only commit the unthinkable if their feeling conquers all.

I remember this guy I used to counsel, kena tinggal dek bini...bila dengar pun kesian juga. Punyalah chenta nak mampus, last-last kasih berubah and although in the end, depa tu bercerai, this guy sank into very deep depression and in the end died.

Tu yang bangsa tak kacau orang. Yang takutnya ni, type-type yang tak boleh nak admit their relationship is over and mulalah start menggila. (although, I must say, ada gak pompuan-pompuan yang mental yang ada similar problem, tapi idok le seramai jantan...)

Well, as Kiah dah announced banyak kali dalam blog dia if satu hari nanti MG angkat kaki, pertumpahan darah sure akan berlaku kat Putrajaya, I hope the pertumpahan darah is not because she can't live without him.It is normal to wish and wanting to inflict pain on people who is hurting us...but if you have a moment to re think, satisfaction is not guaranteed to be a long term one.

So back to Pakcik. I imagine that the deceased wife is fofular...with her yang pernah berkahwin cerai, so she may not had taken him so seriously.Mind you, selalunya yang main bunuh-bunuh ni is not the ganas type, because kalau dapat laki yang kaki pukul, tak sempat bini nak mintak cerai sure tulang dah patah lapan.

Another type yang tak kaki bunuh, tapi kiranya dapat satisfaction juga bila dapat menyakitkan hati bekas bini, just because orang tu dah tak nak balik dengan kau. Adalah penyanyi fofular orang Pilah yang kahwin dengan flight attendant. Last-last bercerai juga...masa tu, I heran jugak kenapalah pompuan ni nak kawin dengan penyanyi yang tak hemsem ni.Tup tup, bercerai...

Punya dia nak sakit kan ati bini, dia kata..kalau you keluar rumah, anak you tak leh ambik. Ceh...nak ugut and emotional blackmail lah bini nya tu. But agaknya the ex wife dah memegang teguh konsep...agi idup agi ngelaban, maka dia pun tak heran dengan blackmail laki nya. So...penyanyi fofulerr ni jadik lah agi idup agi ngelabah pulak.

Tup-tup...after many years dah bercerai and the penyanyi fofulerrr dengar nya kejap ada kejap takde gilpren, si ex bini agaknya dah geram teruslah nak menyaman ex lakinya. You wonder why...after many years..tak kan tak habis lagi kot. So kaki gossip yang berkaliber telah pun mengkhabarkan kat I yang ghope-ghope nya, si penyanyi fofulerrr ni, masa masih laki bini ada beli harta, dianya yang pakai...tapi sama-sama bayar. Harta tu atas nama bini nya lah.What he did was, dia tak bayar pun hutang tu dan sekarang, kesian pompuan tu kena saman dengan Amanah Raya. Celaka betul kan????

So, kepada Pakcik yang baru kematian bini tu....pueh lah hati Pakcik sekarang kan????